Worry Jar

 

A few days ago I received the news that one of my aunts has been diagnosed with cancer. The disease has spread widely and although tests are still being run and nothing is certain yet, the prospects are not good. It’s at times like these I really hate being abroad, not being able to spend time with my family. It makes me feel powerless. There isn’t much one can do anyway, but simply being there can help sometimes and I can’t even do that right now.

Still, I wanted to do something, to let her know I think about her. What do you say to someone who’s just heard that it’s very likely she will die a lot sooner than she had anticipated? I know none of us are immortal, but I simply cannot imagine what it feels like knowing you probably won’t have that much longer to live. To realise you probably won’t grow old with your husband of 40 years or live long enough to see your grandchild grow up. I started to knit a pair of wristwarmers for her to keep her hands warm while she can still read and make the crossword puzzle, but then that felt stupid.

All of a sudden I knew. Some buddhist groups teach children to put their unwanted emotions in a jar and bury it in the ground, to make it easier to let go of those unwanted feelings. I could make a Worry Jar for her: a place to store worries and fears, so that they hopefully won’t feel as heavy inside her chest anymore. I hope a jar like this can be something to help her when fears take over during the nights in the hospital and there’s nobody to talk to. I’ve painted the Chinese symbol for strength on the lid, as acknowledging fear is an act of strength, even though many people mistake it for weakness.

The jar and the wristwarmers will be mailed this week. I’m planning to go home for a few days in July. I hope I can still see her then.