I was looking forward to this Bank Holiday weekend so much. This was going to be a weekend full of fun and adventure, of quality time and connecting. Except that it didn’t turn out the way I’d imagined it. Quite the opposite, in fact. Instead it was a weekend full of anger, frustration and feeling powerless. Actually, make that a week full of anger, frustration and feeling powerless. Somehow I attracted a lot of confrontations this past week. I felt misunderstood and I don’t like that feeling one bit. On top of that there was a problem with the server hosting my blog, making it inaccessible for 2 days. Today, after another day of planned fun and exploring fell apart and after feeling bitter and resentful for a few hours, I had to get out of my apartment to clear my head and my heart and to let go of those destructive feelings.

I went on a spiritual shopping spree. When I can’t make sense of what’s happening to me, I look out for things that can help me make sense of it. I knew an intensive tarot course for beginners is being held next weekend at a new age shop I frequently visit, but I didn’t sign up for it because frankly it was quite a lot of money. I did sign up for it now. I hope learning the tarot properly after playing with it for a while now will give me insight in my life and help me to discover certain patterns that reoccur, to understand them and to change them. I also bought some sage smudge sticks to clear the negative energy stored in me and my apartment and make a fresh start.

Then I walked to a beautiful public garden near Dublin Castle. I observed people relaxing while the sun warmed me. I felt quieter. I cannot control everything that happens in my life, but sometimes I forget that and try to anyway. That’s my ego, trying to keep everything under control. Of course life doesn’t work that way and voila, hello anger and frustration. For a brief moment I managed to let go of that ego that was trying to control everything and listen to what it was my soul was trying to tell me. I felt the negative emotions melt away, just like that. Instead there came peace and calmness and the knowledge that everything will be fine.

Feeling much better I wanted to go home after an hour and a half, only to discover that all the gates were locked. I wasn’t the last visitor, so there had to be a way out, I just couldn’t find it. A man on one of the other benches directed me to a small gate on the side of the garden that looked like it was locked, but wasn’t. As I opened the gate and closed it again behind me, I smiled. Sometimes a gate that appears locked might be just the opening you need, you just have to look closer.

 

Locked gate